College Students Should'nt Travel Because They Are Supposed to Be Poor. What Were We Thinking.

Have you ever gone on a week-long trip abroad that turned into four months of debauchery and delusions of grandeur?

Well, let me assure you. It happens. This blog is living PROOF that it happens. I, Lauren Ashley Thompson, do hereby certify the authenticity of this trip and the verisimilitude of each detail we have accounted within Faux Travails. I'm sorry I couldn't provide you with that kind of guarantee before now. But hey, I'm no Bob's Discount Furniture. If you want the guaranteed lowest price on a sectional with built in cup holders and with armrests that fold out of the middle, don't come crying to me. I'm just a world-class traveler, guys, not Barack Obama.



Speaking of, I'm really pissed that there are people out there trading in their clunkers for brand0-new Versas. And are therefore getting those brando-new Versas for $3-4,500 cheaper than I did back in the Summer of '06. I hope to Jesus our lord and savior that when they take their own Trans-Arctic voyage into Eurasia, that their makeshift rafts won't bear the weight of their INFLATED EGOS.

There really is nothing worse than a gloater who gets things for a lot cheaper than they should.

Says one girl to another, "That's a cute purse! Where did you get it?"

"Oh this old thing, I got it at Goodwill for four dollars in Porter Square."

GUNSHOTS RING OUT. BLOOD EVERYWHERE. SCENE.

Momma didn't raise no fool. WHAT I AM SAYING IS THAT MY MOTHER DIDN'T RAISE ME TO BE A FOOL. And you should know that if I catch you with a government-subsidized Nissan Versa, a receipt from Bob's Discount Furniture, AND a Goodwill handbag, you will be swimming with the fishes at the bottom of the Mystic.

I'm really sorry, guys. I'm just really stressed out about money right now. In my carefree youth, I would drive past Ryan Tepperman's house and shout, "POOR!" Because it was the worst insult I could think of to shout from a moving vehicle. How far away those happy times seem.

Me and V-Dubbs have not been winning Russian Roullette as often as we are used to, and all of those Russian studs keep telling us we're beautiful, and that they are just as big as the black guys we're usually into....so we keep buying rounds of Stolichnaya..... and the next thing you know, Alexei from the American Apparel t-shirt table encounter isn't texting me anymore and our laptops are getting all water-damaged and fucked up.

I don't think any of these problems are related. But you know what? When you're poor, all of you're problems seem to melt together as previously described.

It's a dark time. I don't think Veronica and I can even afford the return trip anymore.

Veronica Lydia, if you're reading this, I think we need to start looking for jobs.

If you hear about any part-time work available in the St. Petersburg metro area, please contact us. We are two customer-service oriented females with strong backs and a lust for learning. Wages starting at $1500 rubles a month, Hablemos espanol.

I hope $1500 rubles a month is enough. I didn't check with customs. I also hope it's not too unprofessional to say the word "lust" in a For Hire ad. Or tactless to reveal that we know Spanish...