Hey Guys!

Ever been walking down the street and remember something funny that happened a while ago and then you can't stop smiling? But in present tense?

Here, let me put it in other terms. You smile at a memory. But that smile exists in present tense.

It's kind of like starting a blog in the past tense and then at some point along the way switching into present tense. Get it now?

I knew that analogy would work.

But anyway, as Lthomps told you, we're down on our luck. Down on our god dang luck. and you know what? Fuck that. Just fuck it. Because seriously, we were supposed to be back in the U.S. by now. And I'm going to be totally frank here, I'm pissed the fuck off.

But don't worry, I'm resourceful. I can turn situations around by changing my mood and outlook toward them. For example, my motherfucking astronomy professor made his final as hard as fucking possible. So when he told me, "Merry Christmas" I looked him dead in the eye and said, "I'm Jewish."

Needless to say, he was humiliated. I felt much better (after I slashed his tires).

When I was walking toward Lauren with a big grin on my face I was actually just thinking of how good it felt to slash his tires. But when I saw the look on her face I knew I had to make something up quick. So I invented this story about Tiger Woods agreeing to pay for the rest of our gas money (and fixing some of the Versa's damage) if we have sex with him.

I honestly don't know why she believed that. How would our having sex with him help him with his little problem? Isn't his little problem that he is involved in an embarrassing sex scandal? Wouldn't his having sex with us only exacerbate the problem. I think Lauren's been in Russia for too long.

Although, I recently made an observation wise beyond my years: It's a Sylvia Plath Life. It's a Sylvia Plath world.

Damnnnnn put that shit on mugs and t-shirts why dontcha? eh? C'est la VIE!!!!!!!

So yeah, we fucked him.

What?

Don't look at me like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You with all your damn morals. You've always been so perfect, haven't you? You would never fuck Tiger Woods for the money and the 15 minutes of fame. You're too busy working hard and saving up. You always think things through, don't you?

But hey, before you get on your high horse, remember this: I'm not the one who hasn't talked to her sister in 15 years.


Long story short: we now have the money to fix the fuckin car. we're going home. we'll probably start driving back to the U.S next entry. RIGHT?! I think so. I hope so. I really really hope so. I fucking hate Russia. and it's like negative a million degrees here. http://www.wunderground.com/global/stations/26063.html

there believe me now? ok so we're going home soon. thanks @tigerwoods. oops wrong website.

I love whiskey.