Wife Swap, the Russian Deluxe Edition

So after that crazy night in the bar (from which Lauren returned with a beard) we were very exhausted. We decided to stay at a nice hotel for a few nights. Well actually, Lauren INSISTED that we stay in a nice hotel, I didn't really think we had the money for it, but I trust Lthomps.

We stayed in a place called the Kempinski Hotel. When we arrived at the hotel we realized that they didn't give us two beds. I was a little uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed as Lauren because I hate all things lesbian. But once again Lauren was INSISTENT that we sleep in the same bed. Whatever, I'm not gay. So I will do this to prove that I am not gay. Not that I am against homosexuals, I have many homosexual friends. But the very thought of what they do in their spare time makes me sick. Even when what they are doing is not sexual at all. Like puzzles and such.. makes me sick. But like I said, I'm not homophobic or anything like that.

Before we went to bed, Lthomps ordered a shit ton of room service. She got spaghetti and meatballs, steak, cookies, and ice cream! Then she spent about two hours in the bathroom. All of this really surprised me especially because Lauren never poops. I started thinking about all the changes she had gone through since the night of partying. I became suspicious.

When Lauren came out of the bathroom I asked, "Lauren... are you feeling ok? You're worrying me."
"I'm fine it's just my period" Lauren growled.

Nuff said, I thought. Case closed.


But that night I woke up to Lauren trying to feel me up.
"WHAT THE HELL LAUREN, I THOUGHT THIS WAS A PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP???"
But all Lauren did was laugh. That's when I realized she was actually a full grown man!

"WHERE IS THE REAL LAUREN?"
Once again my question was met with nothing but laughter. So I ran out of the room and down to the lobby. And who is standing there but Lauren Ashley Thompson.

Dressed as a Bellhop.