Dah Islands

After our adventures at sea, Lthomps and I found ourselves on Ellesmere Island. And when I say we found ourselves I am not trying to convey the fact that we were on the island (which we were), but rather I mean that we found ourselves. We found ourselves...in that other way (see: The Tao of Pooh).

We were pretty lonely on Ellesmere Island as the population doesn't even hit 150. I have a population of 150 requirement for me to not be lonely, so yeah this wasnt cool. Also, people on this friggen island are either scientists or ruthless Dorset hunters. Also some people referred to themselves as "neoeskimos" which hit a little too close to neo-tribalists for our liking. In any event, we were constantly dodging bullets which the hunters claimed to be aiming at a mysterious moose behind us. I never once so this so-called moose, I think these people wanted to kill us. Actually, they eventually told us this over a couple of drinks, we all had a good laugh.

Now, I feel I must confess something, I think I may be giving a biased account of this visit. You see, I am a Debby Downer, always have been. But Lauren is a Positive Penny (???) and she had a god damn blast on Ellesmere. She danced around, she was constantly smiling, she was finally able to forgive her second grade teacher. I have no idea what made her so happy. When I asked her all she said was, "It's the colors, all the colors, white and blue...". The thing about Ellesmere Island is that there are basically no colors. But w/e.

After we had a complete tour of the island (which was horrendous) we had to get busy constructing a raft upon which we would float gracefully into SIBERIA/RUSSIA. Oh my God, you don't even KNOW how we felt. So close to our destination on such a long journey. I was grinning ear tah ear!

The raft we had used to get to Ellesmere would work as a nice skeleton for the one we would take over to Siberia. But we would definitely need to make some adjustments. For one thing, we needed some steel and a Sail. We also needed a gun to ward of jellyfish. We got busy constructing our new raft.

Three days later and we had a beautiful raft. Now, the easy part: sail that shit across the Arctic Ocean and land somewhere in Russia, then drive to St. Petersburg and LIVE IT UP. We said goodbye to Ellesmere and began our journey. .a journey which was incredibly strange in that it was not strange at all. You'd think two teenage girls and a nissan versa rafting across the Arctic Ocean would create some bomb-ass stories, but no. The trip was pretty self explanatory, we sailed, there was water, there was no storm, there was no great white shark, wtf. Well, Lauren did catch some fucking salmon or something at one point. Big whoop, I catch that shit all the time in Lake Cochichewick.

And then we were in Siberia. Well actually, we weren't quite in Siberia. But we also weren't quite in European Russia either, at least in my opinion, and also in Dostoyevsky's opinion (it is worth mentioning that Joseph Conrad had a different opinion but he is technically an English author so fuck him.... Tolstoy was just real stony-eyed about the whole subject). The town is called Naryan-Mar, or as Lauren kept saying, "Maryanne Nar". Dumb ass..

From here we filled the Nissan Versa (still in perfect condition) with gas and hit the road for St. Petersburg. We drove all night and made it there in 12 hours.