PHASE TWO COMMENCE, et. al, i.e, What the fuck now?!

So, V-D and I were real idiot assholes about this whole procedure. WE TRIED TO PUT MORE IN OUR MOUTHS THAN WE COULD CHEW--or in Ronny's case, and mine sometimes, and maybe even yours if you're into that-SWALLOW.
We packed the snacks. We consorted with Canadian locals. We prepared questions in case we met our maker. Can you guess what we didn't bring?

A raft. Which we would need if we were gonna island hop from Ellesmere to Russia.

F-U-C-?

THEN I REMEMBERED!!!

Sometimes, you really do have the tools you need to succeed, even when you think you don't.
Remember how we brought goods to trade with the Inuits/Russians in case of emergencies? And remember how one of those things was Ryan McCann, Spanish teacher extraordinaire, et. al?

Well, we didn't need him for anything.

BUT! I opened the collector's edition Blue Crush DVD and discovered that Kayla put the wrong movie back in.....that's right. in it's place, was

Without a Paddle 2!!!!!!!!!!!



We realized we had to get clever, just like those wild and crazy men did in Nature's Calling.
This was pretty much our opportunity to correct the chauvinist, anti-neo-tribalist and anti-Americans/Marines ideologies that we had been struggling against since high school.

We built our own goddamn raft. And we FJIORGED our way north up the Baffin Sea inlet.

Unbelievable pun just now.

Some things we encountered in the stormy Baffin Sea, which by the way, took us maybe three hours to sail:
1. Nothing.
2. Ice.
3. Icebergs.
4. Iceberg lettuce growing in its natural habitat.
5. Jack Dawson.
6. The Heart of the Ocean, which those assholes in the movie were right--he did steal it. Rose should have let him drown in that room where he was handcuffed to the pole. But actually, no, because then we wouldn't have gotten to see Kate Winslet swinging that axe and dripping like a wet tee-shirt contestant, 1912-style.

BUT I DIGRESS.