WHAT A RUSSIA!!!!

When we rolled into sunny and funny St. Petersburg, we could have sworn that the city itself opened its outstretched arms to us and pulled us into a sensual embrace, as if to say, "Thank you L. Thomps and V. Dubbs, for believing in me, and for making the perilous transsiberian journey to be here---to be here with me."

V.Dubbs wasn't buyin' that shit, though. She was quick to remind the city of St. Petersburg that we had also endured Canada and all of that bullshit before we even crossed into Siberia! St. Petersburg grew very quiet. DAMMIT. We were off to such a great friendship before VeeTard had to remind them that a place like Canada existed.

FAUX PAUX.

What Ronny failed to realize is that Russia is one of those fun and fancy-free nations that likes to believe everything is all rainbows and smiles and Purple Hearts showering over a field of Unicorn horns filled with Svedka Vodka. They don't like to be reminded of the suffering of citizens in countries like Canada, you know, what with the endless lines at hospitals to receive medical attention after brutal chainsaw massacres/logrolling gone bad/inevitable French overthrow of Montreal. So it was pretty tactless of us to bring it up, and forced me into a difficult ass-kissing situation.

I quickly recovered by presenting the mayor, Valentina Matviyenko, with a bottle of castor oil. And, true to form, V Dubbs jigged like a jigger ought to, which is great because after the twelve hours of driving and not finding anything good in northern Russia, I was starting to really blame her for everything bad that had happened. I also resented her. She kept saying that I was redundant, and I didn't like that. But don't worry guys, it's okay. I called her ignorant and irrelevant, and then we just didn't talk for the rest of the drive!
Anyways, Valentina was thrilled (and she did give us permission to call her Val, but we told her it confused us, because of Val's diner in North Andover. She completely understood...or at least we thought she did....until....

What are the odds that a woman can be both mayor of world class city, AND the owner of a DINER?!!!! Man, Russia is so progressive!!!! It's a beacon of light for all of us hopeless American girls toiling away in the Lowell textile mills yearning for a brighter future for our daughters and granddaughters.....and Ronny and I get to be the harbingers of this beautiful notion.

WE WILL NOT STOP UNTIL WE GET SUFFRAGE!

By the way, Val's Beetroot Borsche is DELISH.